Gabrielle Union is opening up about how she felt "broken" afterDwyane Wade conceived achild with another woman amid her infertility struggles.
"I have not had words, and even after untold amounts of therapy, I am not sure I have them now. But truth matters," Union writes in new memoir"You Got Anything Stronger?" (Dey StreetBooks, 256pp.,out now), the follow-up to her 2017 bestseller "We’re Going to Need More Wine."
It was one of many revelations Union made in her latest memoir, which takes a deep dive into past traumas that have shaped her into the unapologetic woman she is today.
"I am not the samewoman I was when I wrote to you four years ago," Union writes. "If you thoughtyouknew me then, you are not alone. I thought I knew me, too."
"You Got Anything Stronger?" at Bookshop for $26.03
Check out: USA TODAY's weekly Best-selling Booklist
5 books not to miss:Colson Whitehead’s ‘Harlem Shuffle,’ new Gabrielle Union
From struggling to accept surrogacy to forgiving Wade for having a child with someone else, here are four revelations from Union's latest memoir.
Union says she was 'broken' after Dwyane Wade 'had a kid with somebody else'
Wade fathered a child with another woman in 2013during a brief split with Union prior to the couple's 2013 engagement. Union said they were "not in a good place" when the child was conceived but noted they were in a "much better one" when Wade told her.
Union and Wade chose to work through their issues privately, going on to tie the knot in August 2014in a large ceremony in Miami, but Union said she struggled with the "trauma" and "embarrassment" behind closed doors as she was trying to conceive.
"To say I was devastated is to pick a word on a low shelf for convenience," she wrote. "The experience of Dwyane having a baby soeasily while I was unable to left my soul not just broken into pieces,but shattered into fine dust scattering in the wind."
Union said she chose to "love him and forgive him" after Wade "worked to be forgiven" each day, but the actress questioned whether she would've made a different choice now.
"The advice I would give myself now is to leave," she wrote. "The me of today would not havestayed with him, but would I be who I am now without that pain?"
Union says her adenomyosis went undiagnosed for decades because of her age
Union first opened up about her fertilitystruggles in 2017's"We’re Going to Need More Wine," but the actress saidall the nuance and pain she shared about her journey to motherhood was simplified to a brief excerpt.
"It seemed every article about me used thephrase I had offered: 'I have had eight or nine miscarriages,'" Union said. "Thiswas always followed closely by my age."
Not only did the media fixate on her age, Union said doctors didn't fullyinvestigate her "unexplained infertility" because she was an "older woman" in her 40s. She was diagnosedin 2016 with a "pronounced" case ofadenomyosis that likely started in her 20s.
Beyoncé is not 'Sorry' for turning 40:How the superstar is breaking stigmas on aging
What exactly is that?Gabrielle Union says she probably can't get pregnant because of adenomyosis
Adenomyosisoccurs when the tissue that normally lines the uterusgrows into the muscular wall of the uterus, according to Mayo Clinic. Union said shefelt "clarity, relief and grief" to have answers, but endocrinologist Dr. Kelly Baektold her,"I don't know how anyone would have missed this."
"There would be anger that I had sat in the offices of the world’s leading IVF doctors, and all they saw was my age," Union wrote."There was no investigation into any other cause for my miscarriages, and I was never correctly diagnosed or treated."
Surrogacy felt like 'acknowledging my body's failure,' Union says
Union and Wade welcomed their "miracle" daughter Kaavia, now 2, by surrogate in 2018, butUnion said it took her over a year to "make peace" and accept the surrogacy route because she felt like "a failure" for not carrying her herself.
"Choosing surrogacy would be acknowledging an 'L,'" she wrote."I felt the constant, public prodding to acknowledge my body’s failure."
Gabrielle Unionsays 2-year-old Kaavia's cheeky looks help set boundaries, inspired new kids book 'Shady Baby'
The couple chosea married, white woman named Natalie as their surrogate. She even had a nose ring. ("Oh, I thought, she's a cool-ass white girl.") But Union saidshe never fully connected with Natalie and Kaavia during the pregnancy: "This growing bump everyone thought I wanted to seewas nowvisual manifestation of my failure…I kept (the baby)at arm’s length, because shecould still be snatched away."
Union said that feeling has been replaced with gratitude and relief since Kaavia's birth, but a lingering question remains:"I will always wonder if Kaav would love me more if I hadcarried her."
In addition to Kaavia, Union and Wade areraising Zaire, 19, Zaya, 14, and Xavier, 7, Wade'skids from previous relationships, and his 19-year-oldnephew, Dahveon.
Gabrielle Union, Dwyane Wadewelcome 'miracle baby' via surrogate amid fertility struggles
'I am so, so sorry' Isis: Union regrets 'Bring It On' character
Union's portrayal of Isis, the cheerleading captain of the East Compton Clovers in"Bring It On," catapulted her career, but the actress says she should've done things differently.
"I'm here to apologize to you," she wrote to her character, Isis. "I failed you and myself."
After landing the role in the2000 film, Union said she took on the responsibility of altering"the script day-of to avoid the embarrassing dialogue that was initially written" for Isis. She said she was given free range, butchose to muzzleher character's rage after the Toros committed cultural appropriationand stole the Clovers' cheer routines.
Union says she embedded her own fear of being accepted into Isis, who was ultimately villainized for "holding white folks accountable" despite her restraint and grace.
"I made you swallow your anger to bethe most palatable version of Black leadership possible," she wrote. "I wishI had just given you the space to be a Black girl who is exceptional without making any kind of compromise."
"You Got Anything Stronger?" at Bookshop from $26.03
Purchases you make through our links may earn us and our publishing partners a commission.
Gabrielle Unionsays being blackballed 'is very real,' calls for support for Black women
